we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
