I think i peed on brittanys purse
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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