he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Shame - the story of my life.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
