His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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