Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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