we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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