Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
