This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
