my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
