living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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