I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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