It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Randomize
