Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
