Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
