That's intense
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
