Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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