maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
