i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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