You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
