I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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