i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
