my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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