happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
