so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
