I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
