Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
