Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
