**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Yo dont text me then not text me
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
