im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
