He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
