That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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