i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
