am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
