I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
