our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
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