i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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