Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
