You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
