I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
