Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
