Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
