i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
