WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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