hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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