When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Drake has all the answers
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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