my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
