i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
