I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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