Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I love you. Go after that dick
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
