went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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