oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
