toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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