i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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