thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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