how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
