Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
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