farters have to be the big spoon...
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
