So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
