She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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